


Feel It Still

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Autistic Keith (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Other, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, Pedophilia, Triggers, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 08:32:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14101479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Keith wakes up after feeling their hands. But he still feels them and he knows he’ll never stop.





	1. hurting

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this while having flashbacks after a panic attack

Heavy sheets were ripped off. Tired blue-grey eyes shot open. Shaky hands with bruised knuckles staggered to find the bedside lamp to turn it on. 

Keith placed a hand over his chest where his heart was. It was beating uncontrollably fast which worried Keith even more. His head was spinning and everywhere he looked it seemed the walls were swirling into each other or closing in. His breath hitched again as he struggled to breathe, gasping for air. He tried closing his eyes to stop the nausea but when his eyes closed, the flashbacks started.

_ “Keith,”  _ He heard.  _ “Are you all by yourself today?” _

_ “No, my mommy and daddy are somewhere. How do you know my name?”  _

His purple knuckles turned white as his hand gripped the sheet tightly. His not being able to breathe, turned into a choking feeling. It felt as if something was stuck, a cry or a sob perhaps. His eyes were open now but he could still hear  _ them. _

_ “Tell us how old you are again, Keith. Tell the camera.” _

_ “I-I’m only seven,”  _

Finally, a choked sob escaped Keith’s throat. His head was clearing up and his heart rate was beginning to slow down. He was thankful that everything was starting to go back to normal. Unaware to the boy, his whole body was shaking and he accidently had caused a nosebleed for himself. Though the flashback refused to cease.

_ “It's just a kid thing, Takashi. He's probably just moody.” His mother would say. _

_ “But mom, he’s been acting weird, he says he wants to dress in a different room, now.” Shiro would argue. _

_ “He has autism, dear. You're too young to understand,” His mother would dismiss. _

At last, he remembered the vulgar things he’d have to say to the two men. Every dirty thing he’d have to do for them. All because they’d ‘babysit’ him for free. 

Keith began to wind down completely. Dazed, he rubbed her temple and a hand through his tangled hair. He lets out a deep breath. He glanced at the clock. 5:45am. His heart sped up again. Shiro would be getting up soon. 


	2. aching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro and Keith.

In the thirty minutes before his brother would rise, Keith had managed to fall asleep again.Then the hands were all over him again. Poking and rubbing places on Keith's body. It hurt more. Usually, Keith was met with emptiness and one sided pleasure. But this feeling now, was a feeling that forced a scream out of Keith. The feeling was unlike other and he lacked words to describe it.  
“Keith,” the voice drawed out his name. Keith screamed again.  
“Keith!” He tried to stop listening.  
“Keith, wake up,” Keith whispered a small ‘what?’ but continued to struggle.  
“Breathe. Look around, Keith. Look where you are.” Strong and rough hands turned into a soft hand stroking his hair. Hands still held him down but now in a more comfortable way.  
His eyes opened slowly and his vision was blurred by the tears. His arms were released and he laid them on either side of his head. Keith furrowed his eye as his vision came to.  
“Shiro,” He whispered. “I, I’m sorry,” His voice was weak and it hurt him to speak. The eye contact between Shiro and him felt awkward so he looked away and focused on the clock that read 5:21am. Shiro was still on top of him. Shiro bit his lip. Tears threatened to fall.   
“Hey, don’t apologize. Are you here now? Do you want me to leave?” Shiro's ‘Keith’ voice varied from his usual tone. It was softer and more gentle and had traces of worry. Worry that Keith couldn't pick up.  
Shiro patted Keith's shoulder and crawled off of him even when Keith didn’t decline. Keith was feeling hazy and distant, eyes still fixed on the clock. “Keith.” The older man raised his voice slightly. Younger eyes blinked and lazily made their way to Shiro’s. A warm smile spread across Shiro’s face when Keith made eye contact.   
“There you are. Do you need water? Tell me what's going on, buddy.” Shiro still struggled to get to Keith after his night terrors. Even after eleven years, they were still as vivid and terrifying as when they first occurred. Shiro had no idea what to do back then and now, he was still unsure. He just had to take notice in what had calmed Keith down and repeated it every few weeks, when the episodes happened.   
“No.” Keith simply said. Shiro sat on the end of the bed and watched Keith sit himself up. He must've finally noticed his bloody nose as he went to wipe his nose, eyes widening at the blood.  
“Must’ve accidently hit yourself. Do you want to get cleaned up?” Earning another ‘no’ from Keith, Shiro finally stood up and ran a hand through his hair, trying not to show his frustration. Whatever he tried just wasn’t working. Every thing he’d read at the doctors, studied online just wasn’t getting to Keith. Guilt crept up Shiro’s conscience. Guilt about his younger brother having to get through this and for so long and so young. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his, knowing he’d have time to think later at night. Keith ignored the distant look on his brothers face and curled into himself more. He knew well what would come next. It happened after every attack.   
“Okay, bud. Well,” Shiro would sigh. “I’m going to clean your nose and I’ll leave you alone.” Shiro headed to the bathroom while Keith’s eyes followed him. A small sigh escaped his lips. He felt equally as guilty as Shiro. He hated watching his tired eyes and aching hands tend to Keith almost every morning. Keith wished he was different, wished he was normal. But as much as he thought of that he thought that maybe, in some twisted way, he deserved it. It saved another kid from going though what he went to with those two disgusting men. In a way, maybe he was helping out another kid. Or maybe he did want it like the men made him say.   
He shook his head. He’d do anything to forget all those years. He never wanted to be touched again. And if he could, he’d make it so that no one could never look at him. He felt so dirty. He hated himself.  
“Im back. Let's get you all patched up.”


End file.
